Dr. Bedrosian answers questions from members relating to:

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The beginning of a new year is an attractive time for people to consider making major changes in their lives. It is also a time when they can set themselves up for failure and disappointment. Making changes can be particularly difficult for people suffering from depression, eating disorders, and other problems, but with time, energy, patience, and hard work, you can succeed.

Use the following guidelines for making and keeping a New Year’s resolution:

1. Make sure you are truly motivated. You have a greater chance for success if you are changing because YOU want to do it – not to please others.

2. Make specific goals. Instead of "I will be a better person." try "I will be more honest in my relationships." Instead of "I will exercise more." try "I will walk two miles three times a week."

3. Aim for gradual progress. The habits you would like to change did not develop overnight, and they will not change suddenly, either. Start slowly and set a pace that seems realistic. If you have not been exercising, think about walking three times per week instead of joining a health club with the goal of daily workouts.

4. Evaluate your progress. In a week or two, look at your original plan. If you made progress, you might want to add another goal. If you did not make progress, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, ask yourself what went wrong, and what you can do differently. Try again, but change the plan so that you have a better chance of reaching your goals.

5. Be kind to yourself, and always give yourself credit for making an effort. Regardless of how successful you were in making changes, you deserve credit for trying. Sooner or later, those who make the effort will find a way to succeed.

6. Limit your time with difficult people whenever you can. Instead of being afraid of your brother’s road rage, think up a reason to travel in a separate car. Stay at a hotel instead of at your critical cousin’s house. Invite your nosy neighbor over for dessert instead of dinner.

7. Begin again if you drift off course. It is never too late to start over. Regardless of what you may have done (or have not done) in the past, you always have the power to make better choices for yourself starting now.

By following the points above, you can begin to move away from a perfectionistic, all-or-nothing, self-critical approach to daily living. In an effort to support your efforts to change, MySelfHelp.com programs include information, exercises, and tools to help you change underlying attitudes and behavior, and make positive, lasting changes in your life.

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Hoping to start a new relationship in 2005? Consider these points and suggestions before jumping in.

Relationships are hard work.
Based upon the divorce rates in the United States alone, we might conclude that they fail more often than they succeed. Successful relationships require a great deal of time, effort, and patience.

Dating is not necessarily fun.
Although the dating scene might look inviting to people who feel stuck in unhappy relationships, finding the right person is a demanding job. Dating brings up all of our old insecurities and fears (and there are very few of us without a boatload of those).

Check in with yourself.
If you have recurring problems with relationships, ask yourself if there is a pattern at work. If there is mistake in your approach that you can change, so much the better, but also know that the difficulties you have been experiencing may not be due to something you have done wrong.

Do your homework.
Try to learn as much about your partner as you can before making a commitment. Many people who develop relationships on the Internet get involved without really getting to know the other person. Although you may feel like you have met your "soul mate" online, until you spend time with people face-to-face and see them function from day to day, you may not have enough information to make a good decision.

Avoid bars and clubs.
In general, the bar scene is not a good place for meeting people. Look for other ways of meeting people, so you can get to know them in some way before you date them.

Don’t give up hope.
No matter what your relationship history may be, the future can be different. You are never too old to develop a more positive intimate relationship, learn new communication skills, or find better ways of evaluating a potential partner. There maybe a good person out there for you around the next corner.

Don’t postpone living your life to the fullest until you find the right relationship.

While you should try to remain hopeful, do not put your life on hold until the right person comes along. You can enjoy many wonderful things in life (traveling, hobbies, friends, etc.) despite being single.

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Dr. Bedrosian answers questions from members relating to:

• Soldier from Iraq suffering from PTSD
• Bulimia and Thought Field Therapy
• Coping with Tsunami Disaster

My son is a soldier who was wounded in a bombing in Iraq and sent home. We are so thankful that he is alive, however, he is a totally different person – doesn’t talk much, won’t return calls from friends, and is very depressed. Apparently he was told by a doctor that he has post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He refuses to talk about it or about the war, and won’t try therapy. What can we do to help?
John M.
St. Louis, MO

Dear John:

PTSD is a common reaction to combat and other traumatic or disturbing situations. You can help your son by letting him know that it is nothing to be ashamed of, and that help is available. Share your concerns with him, and emphasize that he needs professional help. You and other family members can also seek professional help to learn about PTSD and to receive guidance in how to deal with and support your son. It is a helpless feeling to watch someone you love – particularly your child – go through such a difficult situation. Your love and support is important, and hopefully your son will agree to get help. Your nearest Veterans Administration facility should be a good place to start for the services you and your family need.

Dear Dr. B.,

I am 32 years old and have suffered from bulimia for 17 years. I saw a therapist a couple times but it didn’t help and my cousin wants me to go into "Thought Field" therapy. What do you think about this?
Shelly V.
Sydney, AU

Dear Shelly:

To the best of my knowledge there is no evidence supporting the effectiveness of Thought Field Therapy, so I would be careful pursuing that form of treatment. I highly recommend you try therapy again, but be sure to find someone who specializes in eating disorders. Research has shown that some forms of psychotherapy – particularly cognitive behavioral therapy – have been very effective for bulimia and other eating disorders. If possible, you should find a therapist with training and experience in that form of treatment. You might want to go to the www.nationaleatingdisorders.org or www.edreferral.com websites for a list of therapists who can help. Recovering from bulimia takes a lot of practice and patience, but you can succeed if you believe in yourself and take it one day at a time.

Dear Dr. B.,

I am so distraught over the tsunami disaster and all the death and destruction. I can’t seem to pull myself out of this depression over it and feel almost paralyzed. Please help.
Rose D.
Glasgow, Scotland

Dear Rose:

A disaster of this magnitude is almost incomprehensible and all of us are shocked and deeply saddened. If your feelings are so overwhelming that they are preventing you from functioning well, however, you may want to speak with a therapist and/or possibly a clergy member. There may be additional factors affecting your response to this disaster, such as an underlying depression. It may also help to do something positive, such as sending a donation to a reputable organization that is providing disaster relief services.

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Suffering from Holiday Debt?

If you are like some people, you overspent on the holidays only to find yourself inundated with credit card bills and short on funds to pay. Don't panic.

Follow the steps below.

Prioritize Your debts:
Identify which accounts require you to pay the most interest and pay them first.

Contact Your Debtors: Ask them to put you on a payment plan or provide other solutions. Some companies will work with you and offer reduced rates.

Identify Areas Of Spending That Can Be Cut: Instead of eating out, cook your meals. Instead of going to the movies, rent one, and so on. Use these funds to repay your debt.

Lay Out A Plan For Repaying Your Debts: Establish a monthly payment plan, and stick with it.

If overspending or excessive shopping is a problem for you year-round, you may suffer from compulsive buying, a behavior that should be treated. Typically there are underlying issues or problems that are causing this behavior. Make an appointment with an experienced therapist who can help.

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