• 10 Important Time-Saving Tips
• No One Wants to Be Depressed
• New Online HIV and Depression Program
• Ask Dr. B: Is Homosexuality a Choice?
• Do You Suffer from Depression or an Eating Disorder? Participants Needed for Online Study: Free 3-Month Membership

“I think you want to be depressed.”
“You are making yourself depressed.”
“You need to stop whining and get a grip.”
“You are always feeling sorry for yourself.”
“You do not seem to want to get better.”

If you have suffered from depression, particularly chronic or severe depression, it is almost certain that you have heard the words above from friends or family members. Unfortunately, some of you also may have heard similar things from healthcare professionals. Many people –even those who should know better, like doctors or psychotherapists –do not realize that all of the statements above are false.

Read on..

Hope for HIV and Depression is designed to help those who suffer from HIV and depression change their self-defeating thoughts, beliefs, and behavior, develop strategies to improve their mood and mental health, and use exercises and techniques to stay healthy and well. For more information go to www.myselfhelp.com/Programs/HIV.html

My sister and I belong to a very strict Christian church. Recently, she realized that she is gay and told some of the people closest to us about it. Our pastor found out, and told her that she needs to renounce being gay in order to continue to belong to our parish. He says she can choose to lead a regular life - to have a husband and kids, etc. Is he right? Is homosexuality a choice? - Laura S.

Read on...

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“I think you want to be depressed.”
“You are making yourself depressed.”
“You need to stop whining and get a grip.”
“You are always feeling sorry for yourself.”
“You do not seem to want to get better.”

If you have suffered from depression, particularly chronic or severe depression, it is almost certain that you have heard the words above from friends or family members. Unfortunately, some of you also may have heard similar things from healthcare professionals. Many people –even those who should know better, like doctors or psychotherapists –do not realize that all of the statements above are false.

Back nearly thirty years ago, when I first got out of graduate school, I had the good fortune of working for Dr. Aaron T. Beck, one of the world’s foremost authorities on the treatment of depression. Back then, there were many mental health professionals who thought that people remained depressed because of “secondary gain”, meaning because they received some benefits from doing so. Dr. Beck was adamant in his disagreement with this position. “I have never seen anyone who wanted to be depressed,”he said. Dr. Beck’s words always stuck in mind, and after 27 years of treating hundreds of depressed people, I wholeheartedly agree with him: I have never, ever known anyone who wanted to be depressed.

Why, then, do so many people say these things about those who are depressed? I think that two reasons are responsible:

1. Most depressed people feel helpless and hopeless. Many also suffer from low energy and low motivation. As a result, sometimes they simply stop trying to help themselves. It is not that they like remaining the way they are, it is simply that they feel too depleted and discouraged to go on.

2. It is natural to be concerned and upset when your loved one is depressed. You want to help, but you do not know how. You try your best to cheer the person up, but it does not seem to work. You try to reassure the person, but his or her thinking continues to be negative. Naturally, you become frustrated and perhaps even angry or resentful. It is tempting to believe that the depressed person could begin to recover if he or she really wanted to. You may start to think that what is needed is simply a good “pep talk”–after all, it always works on television! Eventually, you begin to share these opinions with the depressed person. Unfortunately, as a consequence, it only makes the depressed person feel worse.

As noted above, often healthcare professionals experience similar frustrations and ultimately make the same mistakes with the depressed person. Then the depressed person may feel even worse, as family, friends, and caregivers are all sending the same blaming messages.

If you are suffering from depression, please be sure to share this article with your family, friends, and, if necessary, your caregivers. Let them know that you can empathize with their feelings of frustration and helplessness. Reassure them that they do not have to work so hard to get you to feel better –that is your responsibility, not theirs. Explain to them that all they need to do to be helpful is to listen, and to treat you with compassion. In addition, let them know that although it may not always look like it, you are trying just as hard as you can to recover.

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Dear Dr. B.:

My sister and I belong to a very strict Christian church. Recently, she realized that she is gay and told some of the people closest to us about it. Our pastor found out, and told her that she needs to renounce being gay in order to continue to belong to our parish. He says she can choose to lead a regular life - to have a husband and kids, etc. Is he right? Is homosexuality a choice? - Laura S.

Dear Laura,

I know this is a very painful and controversial topic, one that has unfortunately divided both individual families and society as a whole. I cannot speak to the moral issues, only the psychological ones. The research on homosexuality does not support your pastor’s position. Homosexuality does not appear to be a choice, nor does it appear to be the result of early learning. More and more research supports the idea that homosexuality results from biological and genetic factors, over which the person has no control.

As a psychologist, I have worked with many people who were struggling with questions of sexual orientation. For nearly all of them, the process was long and exceedingly painful. If they could have chosen, I am sure that they all would have preferred to be heterosexual. Although coming out may have afforded them some relief, they also knew the road ahead of them was going to be much more difficult as a result.

Lastly, I would like to express a personal opinion. From what I have learned, all of the major religions of the world are based upon nearly identical tenets of compassion, tolerance, forgiveness, and love. It greatly saddens me when religious leaders forget these positive messages and fan the flames of intolerance.

Dr. Richard Bedrosian is a clinical psychologist, president and founder of MySelfHelp.com, Associate in Psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, and author of Treating Family of Origin Problems: A Cognitive Approach.

Send your questions for Dr. B. to info@myselfhelp.com. You will remain anonymous if your question is printed in an upcoming newsletter.

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