• Do You Shop Compulsively or Overspend?
• New Year’s Resolutions That Work
• Tips for Creating a Successful Exercise Plan
• Dear Dr. B.: I Think I'm in Love with My Therapist
• Online Conquer Insomnia Program Upgraded

Many people begin the new year with a long list of resolutions and good intentions, only to be discouraged months later when they haven’t followed through on most or any of them. Don’t set yourself up for failure by making unreasonable demands on yourself.

Here are guidelines for making some positive changes that you can be proud of:

1. Keep it simple. Instead of making a long list, choose one or two goals you would like to set for yourself. If you succeed in achieving these goals, you can always add new ones to the list later.

2. Make specific goals. Instead of saying “I will start exercising.” try “I will walk two miles three times a week. Instead of “I will spend more time with my children.” try “I will plan an outing or activity with my children on Sunday afternoons.

Read on for more tips..

The beginning of a new year is a great time to do something for yourself and commit to an exercise program. There are so many options to choose from to help improve your mental and physical health. Here are some tips that may help get you started.

1. Pick something that you believe you will enjoy. Set yourself up to succeed.

2. Schedule your exercise routine at the beginning of the week, and if you have to miss a session, try to work activity in another way.

3. Too busy to get to the gym? Take the stairs whenever you can. Instead of driving to the coffee shop, walk. Use elastic tubing or water bottles as weights to do strength training at home or work.

Read on for 13 more tips ...

I have been seeing a wonderful therapist for almost two years now and he has been extremely helpful with dealing with my depression and getting my life back in order. The problem is that I think I am in love with him. I tried dismissing the feelings as just a crush - hoping they would go away - but they are growing stronger and I think about him all the time. I don't know how to handle this, as he is married, and I don't know how he feels anyway. I also don't want to start over with another therapist, as I have invested so much here and don't want to give it up. Do you have any suggestions?

- Emily T.

Read on for Dr. Bedrosian's response...

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Many people begin the new year with a long list of resolutions and good intentions, only to be discouraged months later when they haven’t followed through on most or any of them. Don’t set yourself up for failure by making unreasonable demands on yourself.

Here are guidelines for making some positive changes that you can be proud of:

1. Keep it simple. Instead of making a long list, choose one or two goals you would like to set for yourself. If you succeed in achieving these goals, you can always add new ones to the list later.

2. Make specific goals. Instead of saying “I will start exercising.” try “I will walk two miles three times a week. Instead of “I will spend more time with my children.” try “I will plan an outing or activity with my children on Sunday afternoons.”

3. Make sure you are truly motivated. You have a greater chance for success if you are changing because YOU want to do it – not to please others.

4. Aim for gradual progress. The habits you would like to change did not develop overnight, and they will not change suddenly, either. Start slowly and set a pace that seems realistic. If you have not been exercising, think about walking three times per week instead of joining a health club with the goal of daily workouts.

5. Evaluate your progress. In a week or two, look at your original plan. If you made progress, you might want to add another goal. If you did not make progress, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, ask yourself what went wrong, and what you can do differently. Try again, but change the plan so that you have a better chance of reaching your goals.

6. Be kind to yourself, and always give yourself credit for making an effort. Regardless of how successful you were in making changes, you deserve credit for trying. Sooner or later, those who make the effort will find a way to succeed.

7. Begin again if you drift off course. It is never too late to start over. Regardless of what you may have done (or have not done) in the past, you always have the power to make better choices for yourself starting now.

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The beginning of a new year is a great time to do something for yourself and commit to an exercise program. There are so many options to choose from to help improve your mental and physical health. Here are some tips that may help get you started.

1. Pick something that you believe you will enjoy. Set yourself up to succeed.

2. Schedule your exercise routine at the beginning of the week, and if you have to miss a session, try to work activity in another way.

3. Too busy to get to the gym? Take the stairs whenever you can. Instead of driving to the coffee shop, walk. Use elastic tubing or water bottles as weights to do strength training at home or work.

4. Buy a yoga tape that teaches you the basic moves, so you can practice at home.

5. Hire a personal trainer for a couple of sessions to get yourself started.

6. Try a few different classes and find out which you enjoy most.

7. Pack a gym bag and keep it in your car so it’s always available and you don’t miss class scrambling for gear.

8. Change your routines every 4-6 weeks so that you don’t get bored.

9. Try a pilates class to increase your strength and flexibility at the same time.

10. Commit to weight train three times a week. You only need 20 – 25 minutes of basic lifts for 8-10 reps each. This will increase your metabolism and help keep you strong and lean.

11. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will stick with the plan longer if you don’t expect immediate results.

12. Pick a positive partner. Consider exercising with a friend who you enjoy talking to. This will help on those days when you need motivation.

13. Accept your body type and work to make it the best it can be.

14. Set an example and involve your children by picking an activity you can enjoy with them like ice skating, cross country skiing, or swimming.

15. Begin to view exercise as an antidepressant. Choose to exercise when you are in a bad mood and experience the emotional relief it can bring you.

16. Reward yourself for your success.

Be sure to check with your doctor before starting an exercise program if you have special health issues or have been inactive for a while.

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I have been seeing a wonderful therapist for almost two years now and he has been extremely helpful with dealing with my depression and getting my life back in order. The problem is that I think I am in love with him. I tried dismissing the feelings as just a crush - hoping they would go away - but they are growing stronger and I think about him all the time. I don't know how to handle this, as he is married, and I don't know how he feels anyway. I also don't want to start over with another therapist, as I have invested so much here and don't want to give it up. Do you have any suggestions?

- Emily T.

Dear Emily,

It is not uncommon for people to experience strong feelings of attraction, affection, and even love towards their therapists. 

People enter treatment during vulnerable periods in their lives, often during a time when relationships are in crisis.  It is normal to develop a powerful attachment to one's therapist, especially if he or she is attentive, supportive, and helpful - the way a therapist is supposed to be. 

It is also normal to idealize your therapist, whom you will probably never see during his or her difficult or vulnerable moments.  One of my clients once said to me "Oh Dr. Bedrosian, I could never picture you getting mad at anyone."  If only that were true!

Therapy ought be a safe place for you to share these feelings.  Your therapist should have the experience and the skills to help you gain some perspective on what you are experiencing, so that you will not necessarily need to end your treatment with him. Consequently, the best thing you can do for yourself is to talk to your therapist about your feelings for him. 

No matter how strong your attachment may be or how badly you want a romantic relationship with your therapist, it would ultimately be harmful to you if that were to occur.  An ethical therapist will help you to talk about your feelings, but would never do anything that would encourage you to act on your feelings.  If you have any reason to believe that your therapist is experiencing similar emotions towards you, then it may be best to see another mental health professional and try to sort out the situation. 

Dr. Richard Bedrosian is a clinical psychologist, president and founder of MySelfHelp.com, Associate in Psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, and author of “Treating Family of Origin Problems: A Cognitive Approach”.

Send your questions for Dr. B. to info@myselfhelp.com. You will remain anonymous if your question is printed in an upcoming newsletter.

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