• Conquer Insomnia Program Shows Dramatic Results in Clinical Study
• How is Your Body Image?
• Coping with Being Alone on Valentine’s Day
• Dear Dr. B.: Does My Husband Have a Gambling Problem?

This is always a tough subject, especially for women. Body image is the way we see ourselves and think others see us, with regards to our physical appearance. Our body image is created by life's experiences, affected by our moods and emotions, and critical to our self-esteem. A poor body image can lead to serious consequences such as eating disorders, depression, and anxiety.

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Some people feel depressed on Valentine’s Day if they don’t have anyone to share it with. Instead of crawling under the covers, try one of the following tips to lift your spirits:

Do something nice for yourself.
Treat yourself to a nice dinner, go for a massage or manicure, or buy yourself something special.

Get together with a friend who is single.
Go see a movie or try a new restaurant.

Invite some friends over.
Order a pizza or make dinner, and watch a movie or sporting event on television.

Send a card to someone who has made a difference
in your life and express your appreciation.

Visit someone who might be alone.
Bring flowers or chocolate to someone in a hospital or nursing home, or someone else you know will be alone.

Call an old friend.
Reconnect and catch up on old times.

Dear Dr. B.:

My husband Harry and I have been married for almost twenty years and, although we have had bumps along the way, he is a stand-up guy. Lately, however, I am concerned about how he is spending so much of his free time. A couple nights a week he and his buddies have a poker game. It's not that I mind him spending time with them or even being away from home. It's the gambling part I am wrestling with. He tells me that it's just "chump change" they are playing with and that may be true. Recently, though, I noticed him playing Casino games on the computer. I have heard stories about people getting addicted to gambling and am starting to wonder if Harry is headed in that direction. I have tried to talk to him on a few occasions but he gets really defensive and seems hurt that I would even suggest he has a problem. How can I tell if this is really becoming a problem for Harry or if I am just being paranoid?

- Emily K.

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For most of us, the images we are bombarded with on a daily basis are impossible to live up to. We spend too much valuable time and energy chasing something that is not achievable for 99 percent of the population. We end up feeling as if we have failed, and our self image is devalued again. Instead of focusing on leading a healthy lifestyle that includes good food choices and consistent exercise, we resort to potentially dangerous behaviours, such as binge eating, purging, excessive cosmetic surgery, overly restrictive diets, and obsessive exercise. Also alarming is the increase in poor body image among vulnerable young girls who can become obsessed as young as nine years old. Early on, girls are taught that their self-worth depends greatly on how they look. Unfortunately, now many boys and men are also becoming caught up in the same quest for a perfect body.

A positive body image means that you are comfortable with the body you have. It does not mean that you think your body is perfect, rather that you accept and commit to making it the best it can be, and take care of yourself and cherish all that your body does for you. It is okay to feel good about your body even if you don’t look like America’s Next Top Model – almost none of us do, yet we all deserve to be confident and accepting of ourselves. The benefits of a positive image will be evident in how you approach situations in every part of your life. Here are some tips to get you started:

• Take responsibility for your body and add exercise or healthy foods to your lifestyle

• When you start to feel negative about your body, do something physical with it, like taking a walk

• Tell people who are critical of your body to back off, or stop spending time with them – anyone who does that is toxic to your mental health.

• Try to see the individual beauty in others and yourself without comparing

• Stay away from magazines and TV shows that glamorize excessive thinness

• Do something good for your inner self and appreciate all you have to offer

If you feel that you may need help coping with issues of body image, please take a look the Body Image section in the MySelfHelp.com Stop Binge Eating or Take Care of Bulimia programs.

By Barbara McGill

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Dear Dr. B.:

My husband and I have been married for almost twenty years and, although we have had bumps along the way, he is a stand-up guy.  Lately however, I am concerned about how he is spending so much of his free time.  A couple nights a week he and his buddies have a poker game.  It's not that I mind him spending time with them or even being away from home.  It's the gambling part I am wrestling with.  He tells me that it's just "chump change" they are playing with and that may be true.  Recently, though, I noticed him playing Casino games on the computer.  I have heard stories about people getting addicted to gambling and am starting to wonder if Harry is headed in that direction.  I have tried to talk to him on a few occasions but he gets really defensive and seems hurt that I would even suggest he has a problem.  How can I tell if this is really becoming a problem for Harry or if I am just being paranoid?

- Emily K

Dear Emily,

You are correct - compulsive gambling is a significant mental health problem.  Although the jury is still out on whether gambling is a true physical addiction, there is no question that people can become hooked on it, and it can negatively affect them and their families.  In addition, the rate of compulsive gambling keeps climbing as the opportunities to gamble (such as casinos and lotteries) increase.  Unfortunately, the Internet provides yet another outlet for those who like to gamble, making it all too easy for anyone with a credit card to lose large amounts of money.  Glamorizing high-stakes poker on television is sure to lure more people into casinos as well.

How can you tell if someone has a problem with gambling?  Losing more money than he or she can afford is certainly one sign.  Your husband's Internet gambling losses will appear on your credit card statements, so you will be able to examine them and decide for yourself whether "chump change" or something more significant is involved.   

However, the amount of money lost does not tell the whole story.  Someone could have a serious gambling problem without incurring huge losses.  Here are some other signs of problems:

• Spending an increasing amount of time gambling

• Branching out to additional types of gambling activities

• Experiencing frustration, irritability, or anger when missing an opportunity to gamble

• Spending less time with family, at work, or on other productive activities as a result of gambling

• Gambling in response to stressful life events

• Borrowing to cover gambling losses

• Concealing gambling losses

Based upon what you have written, it sounds like, at the very least, your husband has stepped up his involvement in gambling. If he has developed a problem, things are likely to become worse and more visible to others, to the point where you will see some of the additional signs listed above.  There are books and websites on compulsive gambling that may be helpful to you, as well as support groups for the family members of problem gamblers.  You may also want to speak with the wives of some of the other card players (particularly those who are hosting these games), if you are friendly with them, to see what their perceptions are.  If you raise this topic with the other wives, try to do so in a casual way, so as not to cause your husband to become more defensive.

Dr. Richard Bedrosian is a clinical psychologist, president and founder of MySelfHelp.com, Associate in Psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, and author of “Treating Family of Origin Problems: A Cognitive Approach”.

Send your questions for Dr. B. to info@myselfhelp.com. You will remain anonymous if your question is printed in an upcoming newsletter.

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