• Does Someone You Love Suffer from Depression?
• Life Without ED: Jenni Schaefer
• Can We Talk?
• Dear Dr. B.: My Sister's Having Panic Attacks
• Calendar of Upcoming Events

An Interview with Jenni Schaefer

Author of “Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too"

"I have never been married, but I am happily divorced. ED and I lived together for more than twenty years. He was abusive, controlling and never hesitated to tell me what he thought, how I was doing it wrong, and what I should be doing instead. ED is not a high school sweetheart. ED is not some creep that I started dating in college. ED is my eating disorder." - Jenni Schaefer

Jenni Schaefer’s first preoccupation with body image began in dance class at age four, when she thought she was fat. The years that followed were consumed with a devastating struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Today, as a singer, songwriter, and author, Jenni continues to promote eating disorder awareness and treatment by writing regularly for self-help and recovery publications and speaking nationwide about eating disorders. She recently appeared on Dr. Phil, and has been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Cosmogirl, Publisher's Weekly, and Woman's World. In the following interview, Jenni describes how she ended her “marriage” with ED (Eating Disorder) and provides advice and hope to those who are still fighting the battle.

Read the interview...

Do you often wonder if your partner is really listening to you? Do you find it hard to understand what your partner really wants when he or she tries to communicate with you? Are you as good a listener as you think you are? Almost every part of our life is affected by the relationships we have with other people, and feelings of frustration at work and home because of poor communication can increase the stress we feel in our lives.

Communication is even more difficult during times of stress and especially with those who mean the most to us. While we all know that too much conflict can harm our close relationships, many of us do not realize that a lack of communication can be just as destructive. The art of communication does not necessarily come naturally or easily, and certainly requires practice. Good communication comes about as a result of skills that we all need to work on consistently in order to enjoy truly fulfilling relationships.

Read on ...

Dear Dr. B.;

About three months ago, my sister was driving on the Interstate when she had shortness of breath and palpitations.  She was convinced that she was having a heart attack. Fortunately, her husband was in the car with her.  He drove her to the emergency room, where they ran all kinds of tests on her.  Since the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with her heart or her lungs, they decided that she must have had a panic attack.  Afterwards, my sister went to her family doctor, who put her on some kind of tranquilizer.  No one suggested counseling to her.

After this incident, my sister stopped driving on the Interstate, because she associated it with her attack.  Then she started feeling uncomfortable driving on any road with fast moving traffic.  Now my sister only takes side roads to get places.  I live about 50 miles away, which used to be an easy ride for her.  Now she always has an excuse when I invite her over.  The last time I went to see her, she didn't seem to want to drive anywhere.  When I took her to the mall shopping, she had shortness of breath and palpitations, and had to go to the emergency room again.  The doctors checked my sister over thoroughly and told her once more that she had a panic attack. 

My sister is still convinced that she has a physical problem, and keeps looking on the Internet for what it might be.  She's been tested for allergies, diabetes, and hypoglycemia, but everything comes up negative.  She says she's not crazy, and won't take medication or see a counselor.  She's doing less and less driving, and seems to be home all the time now.  What is happening to her?

- Jan P.

Read on...

International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals (IAEDP) Symposium 2006
July 13-17
Chicago, IL

National Alliance on Mental Illness Annual Convention
June 28-July 2
Washington Hilton Hotel

National Eating Disorders Association Annual Conference
September 14-16
Bethesda, MD

16th Annual Renfrew Center Foundation Conference for Professionals
November 9-12
Philadelphia, PA

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An Interview with Jenni Schaefer

Author of “Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too"

"I have never been married, but I am happily divorced. ED and I lived together for more than twenty years. He was abusive, controlling and never hesitated to tell me what he thought, how I was doing it wrong, and what I should be doing instead. ED is not a high school sweetheart. ED is not some creep that I started dating in college. ED is my eating disorder." - Jenni Schaefer

Jenni Schaefer’s first preoccupation with body image began in dance class at age four, when she thought she was fat. The years that followed were consumed with a devastating struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Today, as a singer, songwriter, and author, Jenni continues to promote eating disorder awareness and treatment by writing regularly for self-help and recovery publications and speaking nationwide about eating disorders. She recently appeared on Dr. Phil, and has been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Cosmogirl, Publisher's Weekly, and Woman's World. In the following interview, Jenni describes how she ended her “marriage” with ED (Eating Disorder) and provides advice and hope to those who are still fighting the battle.

How old were you when you realized you had an eating disorder?

As a four-year-old in dance class, I remember already feeling fat. Disordered thoughts about food and weight intensified as I grew older. I did not find the strength to seek professional help for anorexia and bulimia until I was 22 years old.

At what point did you realize you needed help?

My life was spinning out of control. As my dreams passed me by, I found myself left with an eating disorder that was killing me. But I wanted to live.

What do you mean by “divorcing ED”?

In one of my first therapy sessions, my psychotherapist, Thom Rutledge, pulled up a chair and put it directly across from me. He asked me to imagine my eating disorder sitting in the chair, and suggested that we name my eating disorder. He wanted me to name it “Ed,” which is an acronym for eating disorder. He asked me to have a conversation with Ed. I essentially learned to treat my eating disorder as a relationship, rather than a condition or illness. Throughout my recovery, I practiced separating Ed’s ideas from my own thoughts.

Thom, who is co-author of Life Without Ed, often used the word “divorce” to describe my separation from Ed. My relationship with Ed could have really been compared to an abusive marriage. Ed was deceitful, controlling, and manipulative. I wanted to leave him, but I was terrified of what my life would be like without the safety net of my eating disorder. Today I sometimes say that I have never been married, but I am happily divorced.

Why is recovery so difficult?

Recovery from eating disorders is especially difficult due to the fact that in order to survive, sufferers must come into contact daily with food – a substance holding intense fear and anxiety for them. It takes a very strong person to constantly be in contact with a substance seemingly so powerful and to try to lead a normal life around it.

How were you able to recover?

I was able to recover, because I always stayed connected to my support team of health professionals, friends in recovery, and other supportive individuals. I was honest about my progress and also my setbacks. Finally, I never gave up – even though I often thought I was the only person in the world who would never recover. (I guess I was wrong!)

Have you ever had relapses?

When I was in the beginning stages of recovery, relapse was all part of the process. I relapsed on a regular basis. I tried to make it a point to learn something from every relapse. I believe my recovery is stronger today, because I attempted to gain knowledge and skills every time I hit the ground. The important part about falling down is to stand back up again.

How did you handle them?

I tried my best to not allow relapses to throw me into old patterns by using various tools I learned in therapy. One important tool was a phrase a young woman told me in group therapy after she had relapsed: “Do the next right thing.” A significant mark of progress in my recovery was to not purge after bingeing. Even when I binged, I did the next right thing – not purge.

Would you consider yourself cured, or do you still struggle?

I consider myself to have complete freedom from Ed today. He does not affect how I live day to day. This does not mean that Ed has been magically exorcised from my body. My psychotherapist always taught me that the goal of eating disorder recovery is not to get rid of Ed but is instead to change my relationship with Ed, to not be controlled by Ed. Whether or not Ed eventually goes away does not matter. My relationship with Ed is absolutely changed today. Occasionally I hear Ed’s voice, but agreeing with him is not an option.

What advice would you give to others with an eating disorder?

First and foremost, if you are struggling with an eating disorder, seek professional help. Surround yourself with supportive individuals. Isolation gives Ed power. Believe in yourself, always have hope, and never, never, never give up.

Jenni Schaefer Upcoming Workshops

Jenni Schaefer, along with Anita Johnston, Ph. D. (author of Eating in the Light of the Moon), will hold a pre-conference training at the IAEDP Symposium in Chicago on Wednesday, July 12, from 9:00 AM – 12:00 PM titled Working with Metaphors to Integrate the Body, Mind, and Spirit.

For more information about Jenni and upcoming workshops, go to http://www.jennischaefer.com.

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Do you often wonder if your partner is really listening to you? Do you find it hard to understand what your partner really wants when he or she tries to communicate with you? Are you as good a listener as you think you are? Almost every part of our life is affected by the relationships we have with other people, and feelings of frustration at work and home because of poor communication can increase the stress we feel in our lives.

Communication is even more difficult during times of stress and especially with those who mean the most to us. While we all know that too much conflict can harm our close relationships, many of us do not realize that a lack of communication can be just as destructive. The art of communication does not necessarily come naturally or easily, and certainly requires practice. Good communication comes about as a result of skills that we all need to work on consistently in order to enjoy truly fulfilling relationships.

The basic building blocks of good communications include the following: 1. Becoming a better listener; 2. Developing more empathy with the other person (the ability to put yourself in his or her shoes); 3. Learning to talk about your negative emotions in a non-blaming way; 4. Remaining focused on one topic at a time, rather than overwhelming the other person with a “laundry list”.

Online Communications Tools

MySelfHelp.com recently added a section called “Improve Your Communications” to the Stress Management program. “Improve Your Communications” gives you simple exercises to practice that, over time, will help you develop skills that will enhance your relationships. For example, the exercises designed to work on your active listening skills will help you focus on what your partner is saying, instead of letting your mind race ahead to what you plan to say next. The exercise on using “I statements” teaches you to express negative feelings in a constructive, non-blaming way. The skills that you build can be used in our ten-step program to help you communicate more effectively in any area of your life.

Better communication skills can make a positive difference in your life, and improving your communication with the important people in your life will be well worth the effort.

To learn more about the Stress Management program, click on the following link: http://www.myselfhelp.com/Programs/SM.html.

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Dear Dr. B.;

About three months ago, my sister was driving on the Interstate when she had shortness of breath and palpitations.  She was convinced that she was having a heart attack. Fortunately, her husband was in the car with her.  He drove her to the emergency room, where they ran all kinds of tests on her.  Since the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with her heart or her lungs, they decided that she must have had a panic attack.  Afterwards, my sister went to her family doctor, who put her on some kind of tranquilizer.  No one suggested counseling to her.

After this incident, my sister stopped driving on the Interstate, because she associated it with her attack.  Then she started feeling uncomfortable driving on any road with fast moving traffic.  Now my sister only takes side roads to get places.  I live about 50 miles away, which used to be an easy ride for her.  Now she always has an excuse when I invite her over.  The last time I went to see her, she didn't seem to want to drive anywhere.  When I took her to the mall shopping, she had shortness of breath and palpitations, and had to go to the emergency room again.  The doctors checked my sister over thoroughly and told her once more that she had a panic attack. 

My sister is still convinced that she has a physical problem, and keeps looking on the Internet for what it might be.  She's been tested for allergies, diabetes, and hypoglycemia, but everything comes up negative.  She says she's not crazy, and won't take medication or see a counselor.  She's doing less and less driving, and seems to be home all the time now.  What is happening to her?

- Jan P.

Dear Jan,

Your sister's story is a very familiar one.  Her medical caregivers have concluded that she is experiencing symptoms of panic disorder.  During a panic attack, a person experiences the physical sensations associated with the "fight or flight" response, which may include breathing problems, palpitations or rapid heartbeat, sweating, shaking, dizziness, and so on. The person's nervous system is mobilizing to deal with an emergency, but in the absence of any real danger. 

People typically begin to avoid places or situations associated with panic attacks, but, as in your sister's case, avoidant behavior does not solve the problem. Instead, the panic attacks typically start to occur in new situations.  As a result, the person may also begin to experience agoraphobia, an intense fear of places and situations associated with the attacks.  A vicious cycle can then easily begin, forcing the person into more and more avoidant behavior.  Before you know it, the person may not feel comfortable driving anywhere, and may even stop leaving the house entirely. Unfortunately, your sister is already approaching that level of disability. 

Like your sister, many people who have panic disorder are convinced that a medical condition, usually a heart problem, is the cause.  Thinking that one is having a heart attack is certainly enough to make anyone panic, so this belief only inflames the situation.  Those who view the problem as a psychological one often fear that they are becoming crazy or psychotic, a perception which also just adds to the feelings of panic.

Please note: Symptoms of anxiety and panic can be caused by medical problems or medication side effects.  As a result, anyone who is experiencing such symptoms needs to have a thorough medical screening to rule out these physical causes. In order to accept the diagnosis of panic disorder or agoraphobia, your sister first needs to be certain that her caregivers have taken her symptoms seriously and have been conscientious in ruling out any possible medical problems. Most people in her situation require some education about anxiety in order to understand that what they are experiencing is a common psychological disorder. 

Once your sister accepts the diagnosis, she needs to know that effective treatment is available.  The good news is that both medication and psychotherapy have shown positive results with panic disorder and agoraphobia. If it were my sister, I would probably want her to try "exposure therapy", a form of cognitive behavioral treatment that helps people to confront their anxiety, change their beliefs about their symptoms, and re-enter the situations they have been avoiding.  Participating in exposure therapy can be stressful at times, and it requires a fairly high level of motivation.  However, the potential rewards are great, in that the person develops a lasting sense of mastery over the fear.   

Dr. Richard Bedrosian is a clinical psychologist, president and founder of MySelfHelp.com, Associate in Psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, and author of “Treating Family of Origin Problems: A Cognitive Approach”.

Send your questions for Dr. B. to info@myselfhelp.com. You will remain anonymous if your question is printed in an upcoming newsletter.

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