• Conquer Insomnia Brings Relief to Problem Sleepers
• Exercise Is Working Out To Be A Factor In Eating Disorders
• Fighting Fair: Resolving Conflict in Your Relationship
• Dear Dr. B.: Back from Iraq - My Husband Won't Get Help
• Calendar of Upcoming Events

Athletics and physical exercise have long been hailed as empowering, healthy activities. Exercise relieves stress, releases mood-altering endorphins, renews the body, and brings people together. But today, athletic and fitness pursuits can walk a fine line between supporting health, and participating in its decline. Research tells us that the number of athletes struggling with eating disorders is on the rise. Yet we have no idea of the real number of athletes and workout fanatics who struggle because fitness regimes can mask issues of disordered eating and eating disorders. We all know drugs and alcohol can be addictive. But trips to the gym, training for an event – can these also be activities of unhealthy addictions?

When It Isn’t All It Appears
In today’s culture, where so much emphasis is placed on appearance, we have been trained to use a person’s image to determine what is going on behind it. “You look great,” is a common response to weight loss or increased musculature. Glossy magazine covers constantly parade toned physiques behind captions about health and happiness. Working out, training, and going to the gym are sanctioned activities – ones which have the positive associations of discipline, strength, and health. We have come to equate the fit look with health. Yet a fit-appearing body is not necessarily a healthy body. Just as being of a normal weight or even overweight doesn’t mean someone is free of an eating disorder or disordered eating.

Working Out What We Need To Work Through
We are exposed to hundreds of messages daily from our culture about how changing our body or our diet will improve our lives. Many people, often without knowing it, can get caught up in unhealthy preoccupations and patterns with their bodies. There is good reason why: exercise, eating habits, and body preoccupation all provide immediate satisfaction – either the physiological response from eating or restricting, the fantasy of how the diet will change our lives, or the endorphins of exercise. Perhaps we experience discomfort through dieting or exercise, but it is a discomfort we have control over. These activities can become ways of masking and managing feelings when the time and mental and emotional energy spent on these behaviors keeps more intense, deeper issues from surfacing.

Focusing on the body can get us locked in a never- ending cycle of short-term rewards that keeps the real problems buried and unaddressed. Often, excessive exercise and manipulation of the body are signs that we are in some degree of emotional pain or discomfort. Our bodies will tell us when we aren’t in balance through fatigue, recurrent sickness, injuries, loss of periods for women, stress fractures, and intense frustration and anxiety over missed work outs. The best thing to do is to acknowledge that there is a problem, and seek professional advice to help deal with the issues driving the unhealthy patterns.

Whitney Post, an athletic coach and eating disorder therapist, is the founder of Teaming with Power, a consulting practice committed to empowering athletes, coaches and teams in the areas of performance enhancement and eating disorder prevention. Whitney’s work is informed by her journey as a collegiate, national team, and Olympic athlete, as well as her own recovery from an eating disorder.

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by Caren Kenney

Conflict is inevitable in relationships – especially long-term ones. No two people will always agree or see eye-to-eye on everything. How you deal with conflict makes all the difference.

Here are steps to help you successfully resolve conflict:

1. Choose a quiet place to discuss the issue, where there are no distractions.
2. Stay calm. If it becomes heated, take a break, but commit to a time and place where you will resume the discussion.
3. Do not accuse, attack, or label the other person. Bring up the issue in a non-threatening way.
4. Use “I” statements. Instead of saying “You don’t help me around the house.” try “I’m feeling overwhelmed and would like more help around the house.”
5. Be specific about what you want. “I would appreciate it if you could take a half hour each evening and help me with the dishes and pick up around the house.”
6. Highlight the benefits of the change you are requesting. “With more help, I am less likely to feel angry and resentful, the chores will be done sooner, and we can spend more time together doing activities we enjoy.”
7. Ask questions. This will help you understand what the other person needs or wants and shows you are interested in hearing his or her point of view.
8. Listen. Instead of focusing on what you are going to say next, listen closely to what the other person has to say. Repeat back what you are hearing to be sure you are on the same page.
9. Consider the other point of view. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes when discussing the issue.
10. Compromise. All relationships require give and take. The solution will often work more in one person’s favor than the other, which is fine as long as that is reciprocated in the future.
11. Summarize what you have agreed upon so you are both clear about actions and expectations.
12. Show appreciation. Let the other person know that you value and appreciate him or her and are committed to working together toward a solution.

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Dear Dr. B.:
My husband is a firefighter who serves as an emergency medical technician in the Army National Guard. A year ago, he returned from a six-month tour of duty in Iraq. Fortunately, he did not experience direct combat, but as an EMT, he had to treat many wounded and dying, both soldiers and civilians. I know that what he saw upset him a lot, because he would often write about it while he was there. He said it was impossible for someone to imagine the kind of wounds and injuries people received.

When he came home, my husband said he just wanted to put Iraq behind him, and did not talk much about what went on. Until recently, things seemed like they were getting back to normal. Then about six weeks ago, my husband started having terrible nightmares. These are not just your average bad dreams. He thrashes around on the bed, and cries out at the top of his lungs, calling for help. Most of the time, he wakes up and cannot get back to sleep for the rest of the night.

My husband is losing a lot of sleep. He looks tired all the time, and acts like his nerves are on edge. Last Sunday, when we were in church, he started gasping for breath, and broke out into a cold sweat. After a few minutes he seemed better, but I know he was shaken by it, and so was I. I begged him to get help, but he is afraid that if he has something on his record it will affect his position in the service. I am getting more worried about him by the day.

- L.D.

Dear L.D.;

Many of our returning veterans are experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which includes symptoms such as the ones your husband has begun to experience. A traumatic situation is one in which one’s life or the lives of others are being threatened. Unfortunately, those who serve in a war zone are confronted with this level of threat constantly. Like your husband, a person with PTSD may seem fine at first. The symptoms of PTSD may not appear until weeks, months, or in some cases, years after the traumatic experiences. I want to emphasize that PTSD is not a sign of weakness – it is a normal response to an abnormal situation. I hope that you can relay this message to your husband.

Please also tell your husband that he does not have to go on suffering like this, since research has shown that PTSD can be treated effectively through psychotherapy. Unfortunately, although our military is working hard to improve the quality of mental health services offered to service personnel and their families, veterans are still reluctant to come forward for treatment, due to a fear of being stigmatized. Likewise, many police officers and firefighters who are traumatized on the job are also unwilling to seek treatment.

You may want to investigate the services available to veterans in your area. You can contact the nearest Veterans Administration facility for information. If there is a treatment facility available in your area, ask them to send you information on their confidentiality policy. Perhaps your husband will be more receptive to treatment if he sees a written statement indicating that his treatment will remain confidential. Rather than going through the VA, your husband may be more comfortable seeking private treatment. Most health insurance plans will cover outpatient psychotherapy, but if your husband continues to be concerned about creating a paper trail, paying out of pocket for treatment might also be an option. The bottom line, however, is that treatment can help your husband begin to recover from the trauma he has experienced. I hope that he can get the help he deserves soon.

Send your questions for Dr. B. to info@myselfhelp.com. You will remain anonymous if your question is printed in an upcoming newsletter. We regret that we cannot answer every question we receive.

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American Psychological Association Annual Convention
August 10-13
New Orleans, LA

National Eating Disorders Association Annual Conference
September 14-16
Bethesda, MD

Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) National Conference
September 25-27
Orlando, FL

Alternatives 2006 Conference
October 25-29
Portland, OR

16th Annual Renfrew Center Foundation Conference for Professionals
November 9-12
Philadelphia, PA

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